Triggers

Recently I had to work with someone who has been vehemently outspoken about her political persuasion. We are in the same industry. When I realized she would be part of the gig, I wanted to run to the folks controlling her position and yell “Nooooooo” but chose to carry my indignation privately.

When she and I spoke by phone, I was guarded and judgmental. True to form, she complied with the persona I had given her, abruptly answering the phone, her voice tinged with bitterness. We chatted about the business at hand, she continued her abruptness. Me, knowing better, tried hard to keep my voice free of defense. I know way too much to fall into silly ego games, but it’s still hard not to get sucked in.

Then I said something that made us both giggle out loud. There it was. Our shared humanity took center stage.

We both softened and continued the conversation as two competent affiliates with a common goal.

Wow! I needed that lesson. A poignant reminder that we all have our individual triggers, me included. That’s really the only thing that truly sets us apart.

Now, instead of viewing her as some misinformed and angry political opponent, I view her as my comrade. We are all in this soup together. We are all on edge, our emotions and coping skills stretched to the absolute maximum. 

Sometimes our fear shows up as anger, sometimes it shows as judgment or feigned benevolence or overwork…and so on.

I’m humiliated to admit that in my former life, prior to extensive personal work to minimize my emotional triggers, I would have made the phone call to register my distaste of her. Certainly my right considering free speech and such. Yet I would be contributing to the dark, propagating separateness and division. Nothing about that judgmental behavior says peace or light.

If you’ve had a similar shift in perception, I’d love to hear more. It may help others who are struggling.

If you are not quite there yet, it’s okay. Coping successfully is a ‘two steps forward, one step back’ endeavor.

We are all doing the best we can.