Loss of a loved one, loss of trust, loss of innocence. All these experiences require the transmutation of forgiveness.
Consider that nobody hurts another unless the aggressor is enmeshed in their own emotional pain and spiritual imbalance. Put another way, emotionally and spiritually healthy people do not inflict hurt onto another. They don’t ghost, judge, abuse, ignore, betray, lie, power trip, assault or punish. Instead, they offer grace.
Perhaps not right away, but as we continue our own personal journey to wellness, forgiveness seeps in. We come to realize the futility in glossing over or burying our own hurt. As much as our ego steels against any softening, forgiveness has its way.
Grace is not ignoring the transgression. Grace takes all that negative energy that was heaped on us – betrayal, deceit, abandonment – and returns it not with vengeance, but with a blessing.
It’s almost unimaginable to take the aggression of a parent abusing their child and then as an adult, that child turning the energy of abuse into a blessing. But it’s necessary, crucial.
In doing so you are not giving the unhealthy aggressor a pass. What they did to you is not okay. But in transforming energy, you create the possibility of healing – for yourself and perhaps even for the other person. We are not privy to the effects of grace on another. It is not our business to know.
Another thought to consider; when we heal ourselves, we heal our ancestors and descendants, we put an end to our lineage of generational trauma. Even if the healing goes unseen by others, it ripples.
For many the wound is so deep, so complicated and in some cases ongoing, there is almost no way a person – no matter how healthy – can offer up a forgiveness blessing. In that case, do the next best thing. Ask the Divine Mother Mary to offer up the blessing on your behalf. See if Her Grace isn’t enough to unburden you just enough to let more light into your heart.
As I was pondering how to relay this concept and fully grasp it for myself at the same time, a well-known Christian quote came to mind. “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”. There is no more perfect example to make the point.
